"Secondary selfishness"

Call it right, call it wrong, but I'm a big fan of what I will call "secondary selfishness", for lack of a better term.  Instead of a long winded explanation, I'll state it simply: it's that win-win situation, when you feel good because you did something good for another person, maybe even to the point where sometimes you do good things for other people because you want to have that good feeling. 

I like volunteering.  I also like the feeling I get when I know I did something good, I feel proud of myself and I have a good conscience.  Giving up meat for Lent has been the same thing.  Lent is a religious event, and I am observing that, that's the primary "benefit" if you want to call it a benefit.  The "secondary selfishness" is that I knew my health could improve, I knew that my blood pressure and cholesterol could go down, I knew that I could even lose weight in order to feel and look better. 

Throughout my life, receiving a lot of attention (too much attention) has made me feel uncomfortable. Believe me, I don't like being ignored or neglected, but I don't need much attention to be happy.  So believe me, I was not looking for the attention as a "secondary selfishness".

However, attention came. People were proud of me, people were giving me vegetarian recipes and ideas and writing me emails and sending me text messages, people who I haven't talked to in months were sending me messages on Facebook and chatting with me.  Around day 6 or 7, that uncomfortable feeling really was kicking in.  It wasn't because of the positive attention I was receiving.  It was the positive attention I was giving to myself. 

I was proud of what I had done, what I was doing and what I will do in the future.  I was feeling great.  I was in a good mood and I felt like I was accomplishing something. It felt pretty awesome, but at first it was strange because I was getting that "too much attention" vibe, and to make it even more strange, I was getting that vibe from myself. 

Hey maybe I'll get over that "too much attention" someday, and keep feeling proud of myself and what I do, and if Lent is my way onto that path, then I'm a blessed and lucky dude.